


When Zombies Attack

by katayla



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-10
Updated: 2009-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-05 03:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zombies attack. The gang deals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Zombies Attack

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://kiki-miserychic.livejournal.com/profile)[**kiki_miserychic**](http://kiki-miserychic.livejournal.com/) as part of the [](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/profile)[**whedonland**](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/) Fic-Fest, using the prompt "zombies". I don't know if this is _exactly_ the right genre for me, but I had fun trying!

When the zombies attacked, Marshall was ready. Everyone used to make so much fun of him. "Oh, Marshall, zombies aren't real." "You're just wasting your money." Even Lily (who was the most supportive, beautiful, perfect wife ever) told him he was being silly. But if it weren't for his stockpile of supplies, they'd all be dead now.

Well, okay. Robin had helped.

_Two Weeks Ago_

"We have to go get them!" Lily said. They'd woken to a world of chaos. No internet. No cell phones. And the reports on the radio grew worse and worse. Their shades were drawn, but that didn't block out the screams from the street below.

"We can't!" Marshall said. "Zombies are ruthless! We wouldn't last for a second out there!"

Lily stuck her tongue out at him and resumed pouting on the couch. It was the same argument they'd had all morning. Lily wanted to go across town and find Robin, Ted and Barney, but Marshall insisted it was too dangerous. Zombies were scary and maybe Marshall was big, but he was no match for the undead.

He was about to explain that (again) to Lily, when someone began pounding on the door.

Marshall screamed.

"Who--who's there?" Lily asked, her voice wavering.

"It's us!"

"Barney!" Marshall said, and rushed towards the door.

"Wait!" Lily said. "How do we know it's you and not zombie-Barney?"

"Zombies can't talk!"

"Oh yeah."

Marshall unlocked the door and Ted and Barney rushed in.

"Where's Robin?" Lily asked.

Just then, they heard the sound of gunfire and Robin appeared in the doorway, a gun in each hand. "Your building is now zombie free," she said. She blew on the top of one of the guns.

"Scherbatsky's a hero!" Barney said.

"She killed, like, 50 zombies," Ted said. "We wouldn't have made it without her."

"Told you guns were awesome," Robin said. She dropped a bag on the floor. "Here! Weapons for all!"

"Uh, Robin?" Marshall said, as he looked through her bag. "I'm pretty sure most of these are illegal."

"Then turn me in and let the zombies eat you."

Marshall shut up after that.

_Now_

It wasn't so bad. Not really. Marshall had enough food for months, and whenever they heard a zombie in the hall, Robin shot it. Marshall figured they were better off than a lot of New York.

Well, mostly.

"I know we're in a crisis and all," Lily said, "but that's no excuse not to pick up after yourself!" She shook Ted's dirty pair of jeans at him.

"Okay," Ted said, "if we're bringing up grievances, how about having to listen to you and Marshall have sex all last night?"

Lily frowned. "That wasn't us."

"Yeah, right," Ted said. "If it wasn't you, then . . . Barney!" He turned to glare at Barney and Robin.

"First of all," Barney said. "I've told you, like, twenty times about the rules in life and death situations. Second of all, she hit on me."

"Did not!" Robin said, then giggled.

"Next time we're stuck together for weeks, remind me to bring a date," Ted said.

_One Week Later_

It was just _hard_ being cooped up for three weeks, even if it was with your favorite people in the world.

"This is the last straw!" Barney said. "I haven't even complained about these . . ." he looked down at himself and the sweatsuit he'd borrowed from Marshall, "_things_ you call clothes, but now we're out of alcohol? We might as well give up. Life is no longer worth living." He slumped to the floor. Robin reached over and stroked his shoulder.

"Alcohol isn't a necessity!" Marshall said (he ignored the loud "HA" coming from Lily's direction).

"Can't we all just get along?" Ted said wearily. He was lying behind the couch with his hand on his head. "The radio said the zombies were almost gone."

"Yeah!" Robin said. She reached to grab a gun from the coffee table. "I bet I could kill the last few and we could all go back to our lives!"

Marshall snatched the gun from her. "Haven't you seen _any_ zombie movies?" he asked. "That's, like, asking for death. We'll wait until the radio says it's safe. Let someone else be a hero."

Robin rolled her eyes. "You're such a spoilsport."

_Five Days Later_

It was safe now. They'd waited 24 hours after the all-clear, just to be sure, but the zombies were truly gone. The electricity was back. The phones worked. The government had a cover story out (something about a new strain of swine flu). Minus some dead bodies here and there, life was back to normal.

"I knew we'd make it!" Barney said. They were in their booth at MacClaren's and on their third round of drinks. (Marshall didn't admit it, but the others were right: Alcohol _was_ a necessity. He was going to stock up tomorrow. Just in case. After all, the zombies might come back. Not to mention the constant threat of alien attacks.)

"What about all those nights you spent sobbing in Robin's arms?" Lily asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Anyway," Robin said. "I just hope you've all learned your lesson about guns. I'm going to need those back, by the way."

"Uh, no way," Marshall said. "They're an official part of my survival kit now."

"I'll sue."

"Like you could ever win against a lawyer."

"I'll buy you some new guns," Barney said. "Come on, let's have some 'Thank God we survived,' sex."

"Didn't we already do that?" Robin asked.

"No, we hadn't officially survived yet."

Robin shrugged. "Works for me. Catch you guys later."

After they left, Lily looked at Marshall. "Honey?"

Marshall smiled. "Let's go."

"Wait!" Ted said. "You can't just leave me alone!"

"Sorry, Ted," Lily said.

"But there are plenty of woman here," Marshall said. "You never know! You could meet your soulmate."

"Yeah!" Lily said. "Just think. You could tell your kids all about how you met their mother after a zombie attack."

Ted rolled his eyes. "Like they'd ever believe that one."


End file.
